Selfless love never rude,
does not offend but always has good manners and tactfully shows
courtesy, politeness and sensitivity to other's feelings.
it is not rude, it does not seek
its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over
injury (NAB)
She does not behave unbecomingly,
nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger, nor
brood over wrongs. (Weymouth)
It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think
about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs.
(GWT)
Love’s ways are ever fair, it takes
no thought for itself; it is not quickly made angry, it takes no
account of evil (BBE)
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep
score of the sins of others. (The Message)
it does not behave with
ill-mannered impropriety (Thiselton)
Love does not act in ways which are
“contrary to the requirements of propriety and good order, committed
by some ill-mannered members” (Héring)
Not (3756)
(ou/ouk) is the strongest Greek particle for negation,
signifying direct and full negation, independently and
absolutely, and hence, objectively.
F. F.
Bruce reads "Never acts dishonourably."
Act
unbecomingly (807)
(aschemoneo from aschemon = uncomely, indecent
from a = without + schema = outward shape, external
form) means to behave in an ugly, indecent, unseemly or unbecoming
manner. To be ill-mannered or rude. This verb speaks of an act
in defiance of social and moral standards, with resulting disgrace,
embarrassment, and shame. It describes one who acts improperly or with
rudeness. It means to behave unmannerly, disgracefully or
dishonorably.
Love is tactful,
and does nothing that would raise a blush.
G. G. Findlay
alluding to this verb writes that...
Love imparts a delicacy of feeling
beyond the rules of politeness
The only other
NT use is
1Corinthians
7:36 But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward
his virgin daughter, if she should be of full age, and if it must be
so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry.
(Comment: Here aschemoneo means to defy moral standards act
disgracefully, behave improperly)
Paul uses the
direct opposite word (euschemon) in 1Cor 7:35 which speaks of that
which has an attractive form and is comely or befitting of proper
behavior. And it is worth noting that such decent behavior does not
stop with words and attitude but also pertains to one’s apparel and
appearance. True love strives to conduct itself in conduct in harmony
with the established norms of decency in every aspect of life.
Paul is saying
that true Christian love never behaves in an ugly, indecent, unseemly
or unbecoming manner. And remember that although we have the idea that
these passages are standard fare in the marriage ceremony (where they
certainly are applicable), the truth is that the Corinthian church was
manifesting rudeness Rudeness found in the problem of women in worship
(1Cor 11:2-16), in regard to the disorders surrounding the Lord’s
Supper (1Cor 11:17-22), and in regard to the general organization of
worship (1Cor 14:26-33).
The principle
has to do with poor manners and thus with acting rudely. It describes
the person who does not care enough for those it is around to act
becomingly or politely. It cares nothing for their feelings or
sensitivities. This loveless person is careless, overbearing, and
often crude. The Corinthian church was a model of unbecoming behavior
and acting unseemly was almost their "trademark". Nearly everything
the Corinthian church did was rude and unloving, even their
celebration of the Lord's Supper...
for in your eating each one takes
his own supper first; and one is hungry and another is drunk. (1Cor
11:21)
During worship
services each one of the Corinthians tried to outdo the other in
speaking in tongues. Everyone talked at once and tried to be the most
dramatic and prominent. The church did everything improperly and in
disorder.
Thiselton
does not hold back commenting that...
Love does not elbow its way into
conversations, worship services, or public institutions in a
disruptive, discourteous, attention-seeking way... The background here
may allude to the intrusion of tongues or prophecies at inappropriate
moments (cf. 1Cor 14). But today it may also include any kind of
monopolizing of a congregation’s time and attention in the service of
the self: in the tone, style, and vocabulary adopted in notices or
sermons, or, worst of all, the minister as over familiar chat-show
host or “prophet” of ill-mannered rebuke. (Thiselton, A. C.
The First Epistle to the Corinthians : A Commentary on the Greek Text.
Grand Rapids, Mich.: W. B. Eerdmans)
Steven Cole
relates a tragic illustration...
I read of a man who was generally
lacking in manners. He never opened the car door for his wife. “She
doesn’t have two broken arms,” he would say. After many years of
marriage, his wife died. At the funeral, as the pallbearers brought
her casket out to the hearse, the husband was standing by the car
door. The funeral director, who knew the husband by name, called out
to him and said, “Open the door for her, will you?” He reached for the
car door and then, for one second, froze. He realized that he had
never opened the door for her in life; now, in her death, it would be
the first, last, and only time. A lifetime of regret came crashing
down around him. Love is not rude. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7
PDF)
IT DOES NOT
SEEK ITS OWN: ou zetei (3SPAI) ta heautes: (1Cor 10:24,33;
12:25; Romans 14:12, 13, 15; 15:1,2; Galatians 5:13; 6:1,2;
Philippians 2:3, 4, 5,21; 2Timothy 2:10; 1John 3:16,17)
(love) does not insist on its own
way (NRSV),
(love) never seeks its own
advantage (NJB)
it does not take offence or
store up grievances (NJB)
It does not insist on its own
way (ESV)
Selfless love is not selfish and
never demands its "rights".
(love) is never selfish (Moffatt)
(love never) seeks its own
advantage
(love) is not preoccupied with the
interests of the self (Thiselton)
Not (3756)
(ou) is the strongest Greek particle for negation, signifying
direct and full negation, independently and absolutely, and
hence, objectively.
Seek
(2212)
(zeteo) means to try to learn the location of something often
by movement from place to place in process of searching. It is an
attempt to learn something by careful investigation or searching.
Seek its own
means that the loveless person desires to have his or her own way...or
the highway! Such selfish behavior is the polar opposite of
sacrificial love. And the church at Corinth was rife with this sin for they
were selfish in the extreme not sharing their food at love feasts,
protecting their "rights" (a slave of Christ has no "rights"!) even
suing fellow believers in a non-Christian setting and using their
spiritual gifts not to benefit others but their own advantage. They
did not use their gifts to edify or build up the church but to try to
build themselves up and thus Paul was forced to exhort them...
Since you are zealous of spiritual
gifts, seek to abound for the edification (building up) of the church
(1Corinthians 14:12)
It is sad that
this church as in such a dismal state for Paul had himself shown the
Corinthians the example of selfless love as he served them as
their "pastor" for a year and a half! Good, godly examples don't
necessarily guarantee good, godly imitators!
Alan Redpath
strikes a painful chord to most of us who have married for any length
of time writing that...
The secret of every discord in
Christian homes, communities and churches is that we seek our own way
and our own glory.
Thiselton
adds that...
Agape spells judgment on the life
that centres round the ego and its interests [my italics].… For when
God’s Agape is shed abroad in a man’s heart through the Holy Spirit
(Ro 5:5-note)
his life thereby gains a new centre. The emphasis is transferred from
his own ego to Christ.”...
The coupling of behaving with
ill-mannered impropriety and not pre-occupied with the interests of
the self alludes to such conduct at Corinth as (i) insisting on one’s
way about idol food (1Cor 10:24, 33); (ii) rushing ahead with the
Lord’s Supper in a “better” room (the triclinium) while the latecomers
are squeezed into the atrium (1Cor 11:21-22); (iii) interrupting
speakers with supposed “instant revelations” during worship, or
alternatively carrying on at an inordinate length when someone else
has an important contribution to make (1Cor 14:29-33); and imposing
unintelligible tongues into a sequence of worship when the utterance
cannot be communicated but remains a purely individual welling up of
pre-cognitive expression (1Cor 14:27-28). (Thiselton, A. C. The
First Epistle to the Corinthians: A Commentary on the Greek Text.
Grand Rapids, Mich.: W. B. Eerdmans)
The Lutheran
commentator Lenski spoke to the foundation nature of this sin of
self seeking when he wrote...
Cure selfishness and you have just
replanted the garden of Eden.
Paul
addressed this same issue in his letter to Philippi...
Do nothing from selfishness or
empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one
another as more important than himself do not merely look out for your
own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have
this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus (see
notes
Philippians 2:3;
2:4;
2:5)
Jesus is
thus our example of not seeking our own, Matthew
recording Jesus' declaration that...
just as the Son of Man did not come
to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.
(Mt 20:28)
Elisabeth Elliot was once speaking
on the subject of selfless love to an audience that included some
young children who were sitting right in front of her. As she spoke,
she wondered how she could make this plain to them, so that they could
apply it. Later, she got a letter from one of those children, a
six-year-old boy, who wrote, “I am learning to lay down my life for my
little sister. She has to take a nap in the afternoon. I don’t have to
take a nap. But she can’t go to sleep unless I come and lay down
beside her. So I lay down with my little sister.” That boy is learning
to love! If husbands and wives, as well as children, would apply this
verse as that little boy did, our homes would be free of conflict.
IS NOT
PROVOKED: ou paroxunetai (3SPPI): (Numbers 12:3; 16:15; 20:10,
11, 12; Psalms 106:32,33; Proverbs 14:17; Matthew 5:22; Mark 3:5;
James 1:19)
Love is not roused to a spirit of
anger or bitterness by injuries, actual or imagined. (Vine)
Not (3756)
(ou) is the strongest Greek particle for negation, signifying
direct and full negation, independently and absolutely, and
hence, objectively. The KJV misses the idea here with the translation
"not easily provoked". There is no basis in the
Greek for the modifier easily. It has been suggested that it
was added because King James had such a violent temper! Paul says it
is never provoked or exasperated, even if you are the king!
Vincent
comments that...
Easily is
superfluous, and gives a wrong coloring to the statement, which is
absolute. (Comment:
Provoked (3947)
(paroxuno
from pará = at point of, implying movement
toward a certain point + oxúno = sharpen, incite, irritate)
means to sharpen (this literal meaning is found in Lxx of Deut 32:41).
Love is not irritable (NLT)
Figuratively
paroxuno came to mean to spur on, to cause to be upset, to
stimulate and as used in this verse to arouse or stir someone to anger.
To be incensed which is frequently the meaning in the 45 uses in the
LXX.
usually reflecting God's reaction to sin of His people Israel. Clearly
God's provocation is righteous anger, but in the present verse Paul is
referring to sinful anger that is never provoked in one who is living out
selfless, supernatural love. They are willing to endure slights
and insults even as did the One Who is the essence of these attributes
of agape love. And it is His life in us as the Spirit of Christ that
enables us to manifest this love, which is not possible in our own
strength.
Thiselton
notes that...
The heart of the word conveys the
semantic force of to exasperate, to irritate, as metaphorical
extensions of to make sharp, to make pointed, to make acid...
Virtually every lexicon and primary source indicates the notion of
reaching a level of exasperation. But how does this express
itself? The English pique combines the same range of nuances as
the Greek: something between irritation and anger which takes offense
because one’s self-regard has been dented, wounded, or punctured by
some sharp point. Love, Paul urges, does not become
exasperated into pique (a transient feeling of wounded vanity), partly
because patience delays exasperation and partly because lack of
self-interest diverts a sense of self-importance away from reacting on
the grounds of wounded pride: “it is not embittered by injuries,
whether real or supposed.” (Ibid)
The
derivative English word paroxysm describes a convulsion or sudden
outburst of emotion or action. Love guards against being sharply
irritated (and irritable), upset, or angered by things said or done
against it. Note the relation of this trait to the former for the one
who is intent on having his or her own way is generally the same one
who is easily provoked or angered.
The only other
NT use of paroxuno is in Acts 17 where Luke records that...
Now while Paul was waiting for them
at Athens, his spirit was being provoked (imperfect
tense = over and
over, again and again) within him as he was beholding the city full of
idols. (See notes
Acts 17:16)
On the other
hand there are 45 uses of paroxuno in the
Septuagint (LXX)
(Nu 14:11, 23; 15:30;
16:30; 20:24; Deut. 1:34; 9:7f, 18f, 22; 31:20; 32:16, 19, 41; 2 Sam.
12:14; Ezra 9:14; Ps. 10:3, 13; 74:10, 18; 78:41; 106:29; 107:11;
Prov. 6:3; 14:31; 17:5; 20:2; 27:17; Isa. 5:24-25; 14:16; 23:11;
37:23; 47:6; 60:14; 63:10; 65:3; Jer. 22:15; 50:34; Lam. 2:6; Dan.
11:10; Hos. 8:5; Zech. 10:3; Mal. 2:17) Here are some representative
uses...
Deuteronomy 9:7 "Remember,
do not forget how you provoked (paroxuno) the LORD your God to
wrath in the wilderness; from the day that you left the land of Egypt
until you arrived at this place, you have been rebellious against the
LORD.
Deuteronomy 9:18 "And I fell
down before the LORD, as at the first, forty days and nights; I
neither ate bread nor drank water, because of all your sin which you
had committed in doing what was evil in the sight of the LORD to
provoke (paroxuno) Him to anger.
Deuteronomy 9:22
"Again at Taberah and at Massah and at Kibroth-hattaavah you
provoked (paroxuno) the LORD to wrath.
Psalm 106:29 Thus they
provoked (paroxuno) Him to anger with their deeds; And the plague
broke out among them.
Isaiah 65:3 A people who
continually provoke (paroxuno) Me to My face, offering
sacrifices in gardens and burning incense on bricks
As one reads
this letter is clear that the church at Corinth had to deal with
numerous situations which could easily provoke and in fact did produce
provocation -- factions, immorality, lawsuits, friction in or disputes
about marriage, and eating food offered to an idol. The result was
that disagreements were common and disrupted relationships.
J B Phillips
paraphrases it well writing that love "is not touchy" which conveys
the readiness to overreact on one’s own behalf.
Robertson and
Plummer render it...
Not merely 'does not fly into a
rage' but 'does not yield to provocation'; it is not embittered by
injuries, whether real or supposed.
Henry
Drummond in "The Greatest Thing in the World" wrote the following
about this negative trait noting that...
the peculiarity of ill temper is
that it is the vice of the virtuous. It is often the one blot on an
otherwise noble character. You know men who are all but perfect, and
women who would be entirely perfect, but for an easily ruffled,
quick-tempered, or "touchy" disposition.
Pritchard
adds...
I know that some people excuse
their bad temper by saying, "Sure, I lose my temper a lot, but it's
all over in a few minutes." So is a nuclear bomb. A great deal of
damage can be done in a very short time. Even small temper "bombs" can
leave behind a lot of hurt, especially when they explode on a regular
basis. Your temper is a sign of what is in your heart. A bad temper is
a symptom of a terrible disease within the soul. It is an escaping
bubble that reveals a fetid pit within.
The perfect
example of this "negative attribute" of love is our Lord Jesus Christ.
Peter writes...
For you have been called for this
purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example
for you to follow in His steps, WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS
ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH; and while being reviled, He did not
revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept
entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously. (See notes
1 Peter 2:21;
2:22;
2:23)
Cole
writes that selfless love...
does not have a hair-trigger
temper. Some people make everyone around them walk on eggshells.
They’re easily offended. One little thing that doesn’t go their way
and “KABOOM!” They use their temper to intimidate and to punish. When
you confront them, they say, “Sure, I have a bad temper. But I get it
all out and it’s over in a few minutes.” So is a bomb. But look at the
devastation it leaves behind! When you’re angry, usually you’re not
loving. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7
PDF)
Walvoord
writes that this trait was manifest in the church at Corinth for
People who are not easily angered
usually do not start lawsuits (cf 1Cor 6:1-11). (Walvoord,
J. F., Zuck, R. B., et al: The Bible Knowledge Commentary. 1985.
Victor or
Logos)
John
MacArthur has some pithy thoughts regarding the individual who is
easily provoked writing...
The great colonial preacher and
theologian Jonathan Edwards had a daughter with an uncontrollable
temper. When a young man fell in love with her and asked her father
for her hand in marriage, Dr. Edwards replied, “You can’t have her.”
“But I love her and she loves me,” he protested. “It doesn’t
matter,” the father insisted. Asked why, he said, “Because she is
not worthy of you.” “But she is a Christian isn’t she?” “Yes,”
said Edwards, “but the grace of God can live with some people with
whom no one else could ever live.”
Surely the number one reason both
for mental and physical illness in our society today is the
overwhelming preoccupation with our rights and the consequent
lovelessness. When everyone is fighting for his own rights, no one can
really succeed or be happy. Everyone grabs, no one gives, and everyone
loses—even when one gets what he wants. Lovelessness can never win in
any meaningful or lasting way. It always costs more than it gains.
We get angry when another person
gains a privilege or recognition we want for ourselves, because it is
our “right.” But to put our rights before our duty and before loving
concern for others comes from self–centeredness and lovelessness. The
loving person is more concerned about doing what he should and helping
where he can than in having what he thinks are his rights and his due.
Love considers nothing its right and everything its obligation.
Telling our wives or husbands that
we love them is not convincing if we continually get upset and angry
at what they say and do. Telling our children that we love them is not
convincing if we often yell at them for doing things that irritate us
and interfere with our own plans. It does no good to protest, “I lose
my temper a lot, but it’s all over in a few minutes.” So is a nuclear
bomb. A great deal of damage can be done in a very short time. Temper
is always destructive, and even small temper “bombs” can leave much
hurt and damage, especially when they explode on a regular basis.
Lovelessness is the cause of temper, and love is the only cure.
Love that takes a person outside of
himself and centers his attention on the well–being of others is the
only cure for self–centeredness. (MacArthur,
J: 1Corinthians. Chicago: Moody Press
or
Logos)
DOES NOT
TAKE INTO ACCOUNT A WRONG
SUFFERED:
ou logizetai (3SPMI) to kakon: (2Samuel 10:3; Job 21:27;
Jeremiah 11:19; 18:18, 19, 20; 40:13, 14, 15, 16; Matthew 9:4; Luke
7:39)
it does not brood over injury (NAB)
(it does not) store up grievances
(NJB)
Love does not count up wrongs that
have been done. (New Century Version)
Not (3756)
(ou) is the strongest Greek particle for negation, signifying
direct and full negation, independently and absolutely, and
hence, objectively.
Take into
account (3049)
(logizomai from lógos = reason) means to think about something in a
detailed and logical manner. The idea is to put together with
one’s mind or to occupy oneself with reckonings (in this case of
wrongs done to oneself). Love never takes (or keeps) an inventory or
an accounting of the wrongs done. Logizomai gives a verbal
portrait of a bookkeeper who flips the pages of his ledger to reveal
what has been received and spent. He is able to give an exact account
and provide an itemized list. That is good practice in accounting but
not in interpersonal relationships! To do so does not reflect Spirit
filled love.
Here is an
example of a secular use of logizomai...
put down to one’s account, let my
revenues be placed on deposit at the storehouse; I now give orders
generally with regard to all payments actually made or credited to the
government.
Logizomai
is a picturesque verb to use in this context for in secular Greek it
was a bookkeeping term. It described making an entry in the account
book, calculating or reckoning, as when figuring an entry in a ledger.
The purpose of the entry is to make a permanent record that can be
consulted whenever needed. In business that practice is necessary, but
in personal matters it is not only unnecessary but harmful. Keeping
track of things done against us is a sure way to unhappiness—our own
and that of those on whom we keep records.
How are your "ledger" in regard
to wrongs you have suffered?
Wrong
(suffered)
