WIVES, BE SUBJECT
TO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS: Ai gunaikes tois idiois andrasin: (Eph
5:24; Genesis 3:16; Esther 1:16, 17, 18,20; 1Corinthians 14:34;
Colossians 3:18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25; 1Timothy 2:11,12; Titus
2:5; 1Peter 3:1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
The Phillips
paraphrase ("You wives must learn to adapt yourselves") is an
unfortunate attempt to make this verse more palatable. In Colossians
Paul clearly issues this same instruction as a command...
Wives,
be subject
(present
imperative - calls
for this attitude to be the Spirit filled wife's lifestyle) to your
husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Col 3:18-note)
John Phillips...
This verse, taken out of context, has caused many husbands to repress
their wives and many wives to be resentful and rebellious. Standing
alone, this verse seems arbitrary and unfair. But it does not stand
alone. No verse of Scripture stands alone. This verse is preceded by the
command that we submit ourselves one to another in the fear of God. What
a pity that preachers so often ignore this context when beginning a
series of messages on husband-wife relationships. The context includes
not only the Holy Spirit's instruction for mutual submission, but also
His teaching about the Holy Spirit's infilling—the blessed oil that
makes the machinery of marriage run smoothly. (Ibid)
Paul now discusses
marriage which he uses as a picture of the church, the mystery of
Jews and Gentiles in one Body, the Bride of Christ. The secret of
harmony in the home is two Spirit filled believers! Warren Wiersbe adds
that...
The unity of the church (Ep 4:3-note)
and the harmony of the home both depend on the Spirit. It is power from
within, not pressure from without, that holds the church and the home
together. (Wiersbe,
W. W. Wiersbe's Expository Outlines on the New Testament. Wheaton, Ill.:
Victor Books
Wives be
subject - The verb
hupotasso [word study]
is not present in the Greek text
used to translate the NAS (in the NAS words in italics are added by the
translators.
Hupotasso is present in the Textus Receptus used for the
KJV) but is clearly to be assumed when one compares this sentence with
the preceding sentence (and Ephesians 5:24-note)
that describes submission. The spiritual dynamic that operates in
a Spirit filled wife is that when she submits to her Lord, she will have
no difficulty submitting to her husband. This verse does not say that
the wife is inferior in any way to her husband, not does it say that she
is to be his slave, for as stated in verse 21, the husband is also to
submit to the Lord. It follows that if both Spirit filled spouses are
voluntarily submitting to the Lord, their will be a oneness, a unity and
a harmony in the marital relationship. As an aside, one can clearly see
why a believer is clearly prohibited from marrying a non-believing
spouse (2Cor 6:14, 15, 16, 17, 18).
John Eadie
has an intriguing thought writing that...
With regard to the following
admonition ("wives...to your own husbands") it is to be borne in mind,
that in those days wives, when converted and elevated from comparative
servitude, might be tempted, in the novel consciousness of freedom, to
encroach a little—as if to put to the test the extent of their recent
liberty and enlargement. The case was also no uncommon one for Christian
wives to have unbelieving husbands, and the wife might imagine that
there was for her an opportunity to manifest the superiority of a new
and happy creed. 1Pet. 3:1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. And those Ephesian wives had
little of the literary and none of the religious education enjoyed by
the daughters of modern Christian households. Even under the Mosaic law,
women and wives had few legal rights, and they too, when baptized.
needed the injunction of the apostle...
The duty of submission is plainly
based on that tenderness, speciality, or exclusiveness of relationship
which idios (your own) implies. But that submission is not
servitude, for the wife is not a mere vassal.
Wayne Barber
emphasizes what the verb hupotasso does not mean stating...
Sometimes when you see what it does
not mean, it helps see what it does mean. For instance, hupotasso does
not mean that the wife is commanded to obey her husband as a child would
obey his parents or a slave would obey his master. Many men treat
their wives like door mats and they "walk all over them" as if they have
no sense or ability and as if they are inferior. That is not what the
hupotasso means. As a matter of fact, there is another Greek word that
is used in that kind of relationship. It is the word
hupakouo
(see related noun
hupakoe) which is entirely
different.
Hupotasso describes two people who
are absolutely equal in God’s eyes. There is no inferiority of one to
the other. The wife makes a choice to place herself as an equal
underneath another equal, her husband, in order that there can be order
and function in the family. The whole purpose of it is so that it meets
the design that God has ordered... It takes nothing from the dignity of
a woman for her to submit, but rather it enhances it. It takes great
integrity for a person to do what God says should be done.
Hupotasso
It says
nothing about their ability. Maybe the wife is full of
personality, full of character, full of all kinds of ability. It is the
exact reverse of what you think the model ought to be. God says, "Wives,
I don’t care how much intelligence you have. I don’t care how many
spiritual gifts you have. I don’t care how much energy you have. I don’t
care how much better you look than your husband. Wives, submit to your
husbands." "But God, my husband is a bully! God, you don’t want me
submitting to my husband, do you?" God said, "That’s right. You submit
to your husband."
WOMEN IN THREE CULTURES:
JEWISH, GRECIAN, ROMAN
It is important to
understand the cultural context in which Paul (and Peter see below) was
calling for wives to submit to their own husbands. In the first century,
there were 3 converging cultures, Jewish, Greek and Roman, and in each
culture, women had no rights or at most minimal rights.
In the Jewish
culture a woman was treated not as a person but as a thing; and was
owned by her husband in exactly the same way as he owned his sheep and
his goats. She was absolutely her husband’s possession to do with as he
willed. On no account could the wife leave the husband, although he
could dismiss her at any moment. The more liberal Rabbis, headed
by the Hillel interpreted Deuteronomy 24:1 to say that a man might
divorce his wife if she spoiled his dinner by putting too much salt in
his food, if she walked in public with her head uncovered, if she talked
with men in the streets, if she spoke disrespectfully of her husband’s
parents in her husband’s hearing, if she was a brawling woman, if she
was troublesome or quarrelsome! For a wife to change her religion while
her husband did not was unthinkable. The Jews had a low view of women as
evidenced by their morning prayer in which a Jewish man gave thanks that
God had not made him “a Gentile, a slave or a woman.” The Jewish woman
had no legal rights whatsoever.
In the Greek
culture the duty of the woman was "to remain indoors and to be
obedient to her husband." It was the sign of a good woman that she must
see as little, hear as little and ask as little as possible. She had no
kind of independent existence and no kind of mind of her own, and her
husband could divorce her almost at caprice, so long as he returned her
dowry. It is fascinating to read some of the lofty ideals regarding
marriage in the classic Greek literature (stress on monogamous marriage,
Plato's promotion of equality in various offices, etc) and yet observe
the obvious disconnect of these ideals from the frank reality of a
culture that had a popular pun that if a woman runs a house it dies!
William Barclay,
whose commentaries often provide a wonderful source for cultural and
historical context, adds these notes concerning women in the Greek
culture...
Prostitution was an essential part of
Greek life. Demosthenes had laid it down as the accepted rule of life:
“We have courtesans for the
sake of pleasure; we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation;
we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately and of
having a faithful guardian for all our household affairs.”
The woman of the respectable classes
in Greece led a completely secluded life. She took no part in public
life; she never appeared on the streets alone; she never even appeared
at meals or at social occasions; she had her own apartments and none but
her husband might enter into them. It was the aim that, as Xenophon had
it,
“she might see as little as
possible, hear as little as possible and ask as little as possible.”
The Greek respectable woman was
brought up in such a way that companionship and fellowship in marriage
was impossible. Socrates said:
“Is there anyone to whom you entrust
more serious matters than to your wife—and is there anyone to whom you
talk less?”
Versus was the imperial colleague of
the great Marcus Aurelius. He was blamed by his wife for associating
with other women, and his answer was that she must remember that the
name of wife was a title of dignity but not of pleasure. The
Greek expected his wife to run his home, to care for his legitimate
children, but he found his pleasure and his companionship elsewhere.
To make matters worse, there was no
legal procedure of divorce in Greece. As someone has put it, divorce was
by nothing else than caprice. The one security that the wife had was
that her dowry must be returned. Home and family life were near to being
extinct and fidelity was completely non-existent. (Barclay,
W: The Daily Study Bible Series, Rev. ed. Philadelphia: The Westminster
Press)
In the Roman
culture, the law provided no rights for a woman. In law she remained
forever a child. When she was under her father she was under the Roman
law of patria potestas, the father's power, which gave the father
the right even of life and death over her; and when she married she
passed equally into the power of her husband. She was entirely subject
to her husband and completely at his mercy. Cato the Censor, the typical
ancient Roman, wrote
"If you were to catch your wife in an
act of infidelity, you can kill her with impunity without a trial."
Roman matrons were
prohibited from drinking wine, and Egnatius beat his wife to death when
he found her doing so. Sulpicius Gallus dismissed his wife because she
had once appeared in the streets without a veil. Antistius Vetus
divorced his wife because he saw her secretly speaking to a freed woman
in public. Publius Sempronius Sophus divorced his wife because once she
went to the public games. The whole attitude of ancient civilization was
that no woman could dare take any decision for herself.
Barclay
adds his insights on the role of women in the Roman culture noting
that...
In Rome the matter was still worse;
its degeneracy was tragic. For the first five hundred years of the Roman
Republic there had been not one single case of divorce. The first
recorded divorce was that of Spurius Carvilius Ruga in 234 B. C. But at
the time of Paul, Roman family life was wrecked. Seneca writes that
women were married to be divorced and divorced to be married. In Rome
the Romans did not commonly date their years by numbers; they called
them by the names of the consuls; Seneca says that women dated the years
by the names of their husbands. Martial tells of a woman who had had ten
husbands; Juvenal tells of one who had had eight husbands in five years;
Jerome declares it to be true that in Rome there was a woman who was
married to her twenty-third husband and she herself was his twenty-first
wife. We find a Roman Emperor Augustus demanding that her husband should
divorce the lady Livia when she was with child that he might himself
marry her. We find even Cicero, in his old age, putting away his wife
Terentia that he might marry a young heiress, whose trustee he was, that
he might enter into her estate in order to pay his debts.
That is not to say that there was no
such thing as fidelity. Suetonius tells of a Roman lady called Mallonia
who committed suicide rather than submit to the favours of Tiberius the
Emperor. But it is not too much to say that the whole atmosphere was
adulterous. The marriage bond was on the way to complete breakdown. (Ibid)
In the context of
family relationships, it is notable that the wife is not called to
submit not to obey (see word study
hupakouo)
her husband, as children are to obey their parents and slaves their
masters. In other words, a husband is to treat his wife as an equal and
not as his servant or as if she were a child. The husband is not
to order the wife about, calling on her to respond to his every wish and
command. A wife is not a slave, awaiting commands such as: “Do this! Get
that! Fix me that!, etc, etc. That is not what submission means.
Wives...to your
own husbands -
Believer's Study
Bible notes that...
In Greek "wives" is in the
vocative case, yet with the definite article. Used in a general sense,
it binds all wives into one class for this assignment.
(Criswell,
W A. Believer's Study Bible: New King James Version. 1991. Thomas Nelson)
Peter also
emphasizes the role of the wife in submission writing that...
In the same way, you wives, be
submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are
disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior
of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3
And let not your adornment be merely external-- braiding the hair, and
wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden
person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet
spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. (Comment: Peter is not
calling for a spineless submission but, as someone has put it, a
"voluntary selflessness." It is the submission which is based on the
death of pride and the desire to serve. It is the submission not of fear
but of perfect love.)
SUBMISSION
BUT NOT
INFERIORITY
NOR INEQUALITY
That submission
does not imply inferiority is made clear by Paul in First
Corinthians...
But I want you to understand that
Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and
God is the head of Christ. (1Cor 11:3)
So even in the
Godhead, wherein there is equality, we see that Christ is subordinate to
His Father and in the same way wives are subordinate to their husbands.
The man is not superior to the woman, as the Father is not superior to
Christ, for they are of the same essence. However, as there is divine
order in the relative functions of the three persons of the Trinity, so
it is fitting for God to ordain a divine order in the functions of the
family (husband, wife, children). God established this pattern in the
very beginning when Adam was first formed, then Eve, Paul recording that
it was Adam who was first created,
and then Eve. (1 Timothy 2:13)
Genesis also
emphasizes the spiritual equality of man and woman Moses recording
that...
God created man in His own image, in
the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
(Genesis 1:27) (Comment: Men and women equally share in the
spiritual attributes not shared by animals. The text is very specific in
defining this equality, which resides in their spiritual being, for that
is what it means to be "in the image of God.")
This spiritual
equality is emphasized in the New Testament by Paul who writes...
For you are all sons of God through
faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have
clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is
neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for
you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you belong to Christ,
then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise. (Gal
3:26-29) (Comment: Paul is clearly addressing the family of
believers and setting forth in this context the spiritual equality of
all who are one "in" Christ Jesus.)
Believer's
Study Bible writes that...
This equality in personhood and
difference in function is beautifully illustrated by the Godhead.
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are all equal (John 10:30; 14:9), and yet
in function the Son submits to the Father (John 5:19, 20; 6:38; 8:28,
29, 54; 1Cor. 15:28; Phil. 2:5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11), and the Holy Spirit is sent by the
Father to testify of and glorify the Son (John 14:26; 15:26; 16:13, 14).
Thus, the divinely defined relationship between husband and wife is
analogous to the relationship within the Godhead, and the relationship
within the Godhead is a pattern of instruction for the family unit.
(Criswell,
W A. Believer's Study Bible: New King James Version. 1991. Thomas Nelson)
Morris adds
that equality in personhood and distinction in function...
is not an invention of the supposedly
anti-feminist apostle, as some have alleged but the stipulation of God
Himself, even before the entrance of sin and the curse into the world.
This in no way means that man is superior to woman in God's sight, for
both were created "in the image of God" (Genesis 1:27), and both are
"one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). Each, however, was created for a
distinctive role and purpose, and neither is truly fulfilled apart from
that. (Morris,
Henry: Defenders Study Bible. World Publishing)
Warren
Wiersbe has a pithy statement regarding Christian homes writing
that...
The poet William Cowper called the
home “the only bliss of Paradise that hast surviv’d the Fall,” but too
many homes are an outpost of hell instead of a parcel of paradise. (Wiersbe,
W: Bible Exposition Commentary. 1989. Victor)
Wives (1135)
(gune/gyne - gives us our word "gynecology" -
branch of medicine dealing with health care for women) in context of
Spirit filled, this designation
refers to all believing wives. As one ponders the word gyne and
gynecology, in a sense all husbands should be "spiritual
gynecologists" (where -ology means the study of). In
other words all husbands would do well to study their wives that they
might practice good "preventive" medicine in their marriage!
Own (2398)
(idios) means belong to one in a private sense, in contrast to
public property. Husbands, you belong to your wife! Too many husbands
live their lives, especially their work lives, as if they belonged to
the public! And then they wonder why their wife feels a bit estranged!!!
Note also that the Greek word "idios" does not mean "idiot", which is
how some wives treat their husbands (and is how some husbands deserve to
be treated!)
Husbands (435)(aner)
refers first to the male sex and in the marital context to the husband.
AS TO THE LORD: os to kurio:
(Eph 6:5; Colossians 3:22,23)
As to the Lord
- "As" is a term of comparison (simile)
which raises this instruction to as Phillips says to "a higher, holier,
and more heavenly plane. What woman in all the world who has met and
fallen in love with Jesus would not willingly do anything for Him? Never
in the Gospels do we find a woman treating Him badly, speaking against
Him, or doing anything to harm Him. The women of the New Testament loved
and honored Jesus. He was so manly, so honorable, so attractive, so
thoughtful, and so kind. It is the men in the Gospels who opposed Him,
not the women."
And thus the order
of submission is critical. (First) A wife's submission to Christ her Lord should motivate this Spirit
filled wife to be willing to submit to the headship of her husband
(which is aided if the husband is Spirit filled!). Family
members who are right with the Lord will be right with each other.
This clause also
protects the wife so that her submission "as to the Lord" is
within the bounds of what is in the will of the Lord.
Wayne Barber
comments on the phrase as to the Lord...
Now what in the world would make a
woman who is equal, probably more gifted, probably more educated than
her husband, put herself under submission to him? Well, look at the
verse: "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
I have had people ask me, "You mean to tell me I am to treat my husband
as I treat the Lord? Is that what he is saying there?" No, he is not
saying that. A lot of husbands want to be treated that way, but that is
not what he is saying. Paul is saying,
"You do this as an act of love to the
Lord."
What should motivate you to do this?
The verse is saying the thing that ought to motivate you is because the
Spirit of God controls your life and the Spirit of God has revealed to
you what the Scriptures say. In order for the Lord to make your family a
functional family, you are willing to obey what He says. It’s not
because you love your husband that much, but it is because you love
Jesus that much. That is key. As I love the Lord Jesus, I am willing to
do whatever it is He tells me to do. A wife’s love for Christ motivates
her to obey. (Ephesians
5-22-33 by Wayne Barber)
><>><>><>
For Better Or
Worse? - Within a chip shot of our house is a golf course. When I
stand in my backyard, I see ponds waiting hungrily for my next errant
shot. At times I can imagine sandtraps and trees joking about my bad
days.
I mention the sport with mixed feelings. I like to golf occasionally,
but living so close to the course reminds me of my failures in playing
the game, which has its disadvantages.
A similar problem can occur in marriage. Sometimes a husband and wife
can lose sight of the hopes and dreams they once shared. Then the very
presence of the other becomes a source of irritation, a reminder of past
failures and disappointments.
When the apostle Paul wrote his letter to the Ephesians, he asked
husbands and wives to turn their thoughts to their relationship with the
Son of God (Eph 5:22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 30, 31, 32, 33).
In Him we find undying love and forgiveness for our failures. In Him we
find Someone who loves to forget the worst and bring out the best. He
reminds us not of what we've lost but of what we have yet to find.
Forgive us, Father, for focusing on our flaws and failures rather than
on the love of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Help us to rediscover our spouse
in the light of our Lord's great love for us. —Mart De Haan
(Our
Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by
permission. All rights reserved)
REFLECTING ON MARRIAGE As a couple, recall the hopes and dreams you had
when you were first married. Name some that have come true. Share with
each other your hopes for the future.
Marriages may be
made in heaven,
but they have to be worked out on earth.
><>><>><>
Work At It -
If your marriage isn't working, take heart. Neither is anyone
else's. In every healthy marriage, it's the people who work, not the
relationship. A newspaper featured two headlines shouting from adjacent
pages: In Japan, "Battered Wives Begin To Rebel," and "Britain Tries To
Shore Up Marriages." Different countries and distinct cultures, but the
same problems. Why?
Could it be that we expect another person to meet the deepest needs of
our hearts? If so, we have placed an impossible burden on that person.
Or is it our own reluctance to face the truth about ourselves,
preferring to believe that it is our spouse who has a problem?
The divine commands for husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:22-33 are the
framework for success in marriage, not a checklist to use in evaluating
the performance of our spouse. It's a place to find our own job
description. The instructions are given to weak, sinful people who need
a Savior and His transforming power.
Most of us would prefer a successful and fulfilling marriage that just
happens by itself. But a growing marriage requires effort and
perseverance. God calls us to work at our relationship with Him–and with
the person we promised to love. –D C McCasland
(Our
Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by
permission. All rights reserved)
"For better or for
worse," we pledge,
Through sickness and through strife;
And by God's grace and with His help
We'll keep these vows for life. –D J De Haan
Success in marriage is more than finding the right person;
it is being the right person.
><> ><> ><>
Realism And
Romance - Good marriages
have a balance. The practical realities of daily living are enhanced by
the joy and spontaneity of continually falling in love with each other.
Realism can help a husband to see that he is taking his wife for granted
and is not being sensitive to her feelings. It can cause a wife to see
that her critical comments are tearing down her husband's self-respect.
Realism is not enough, however. Romance, often discarded after the
wedding, keeps a marriage from growing dull. It can prevent the kind of
situation depicted in the cartoon of an elderly couple sitting on the
front porch of their home. The husband is saying, "Sometimes, Sarah,
when I think of how much you mean to me, I can hardly keep from telling
you so."
Paul's words in Ephesians 5 encourage a love between two people that
reflects Christ's self-sacrificing devotion to His church. In addition,
it's a love filled with kindness and tenderness.
Whether you're dating or have been married half a year or half a
century, Christ can help you balance your relationship with realism and
romance. Keep drawing on His love and see what it does for your
marriage. --D J De Haan
(Our
Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by
permission. All rights reserved)
Despite the faults
that partners have,
Their marriage still can thrive;
But both must look to God for help
To keep their love alive. --J D Branon
The bonds of matrimony aren't worth much
unless the interest is kept up.
><> ><> ><>
When To Speak
Up - Good communication is essential for a happy marriage. Poet
Ogden Nash seems to have hit on a formula to help us remember how to
communicate effectively. Nash, in his witty style, wrote:
If you want your
marriage to sizzle
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up!
There's some
immensely helpful truth in that four-liner--truth that is supported by
Scripture.
Let's look at the two major points. First, if we are wrong we need to
admit it. Not only marriage, but all relationships benefit from this
kind of honesty (Pr 12:22). Protecting ourselves when we're wrong makes
resolution impossible.
On the other hand, we can be equally hard to live with if we insist that
we're always right--and afraid to let our spouse know that we are
fallible. According to 1Corinthians 13:4, "[Love] does not parade
itself, is not puffed up." No one likes to be around someone who always
seems to be patting himself on the back.
Two simple guidelines for a marriage that pleases God: Admit wrong and
keep quiet about being right. It's a good way to keep the relationship
strong. --J D Branon
(Our
Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by
permission. All rights reserved)
Button up your lip
securely
'Gainst the words that bring a tear,
But be swift with words of comfort,
Words of praise, and words of cheer. --Loucks
Let your speech be better than silence;
otherwise be silent.
><> ><> ><>
Avoiding The
Greener Grass - Nancy
Anderson says she grew lukewarm in her faith and thus believed the
world’s lie: “I deserve to be happy.” This led to an extramarital affair
that nearly ended her marriage. She wrote her book Avoiding The Greener
Grass Syndrome to help keep her painful story of infidelity from
“becoming someone else’s story.”
In her book, Nancy offers six action suggestions on how to build
“hedges” to protect your marriage and to help make “a good marriage
great”:
Hear—give a listening ear to
your spouse.
Encourage—build up your spouse by focusing on positive qualities.
Date—celebrate your marriage by playing and laughing together.
Guard—establish safeguards by setting clear boundaries.
Educate—study your mate to truly understand him or her.
Satisfy—meet each other’s needs.
The grass on the
other side of the fence may look greener, but faithfulness to God and
commitment to your spouse alone bring peace of mind and satisfaction.
When you avoid the greener-grass syndrome by loving and respecting your
spouse, your marriage will be a picture of Christ and His church to
those around you (Ephesians 5:31, 32). —Anne Cetas
(Our
Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by
permission. All rights reserved)
When you look at
someone else’s life,
Thinking that it’s better than your own,
Just remember what God’s given you
Was designed for you alone. —Hess
Jesus Christ is the only third party
in a marriage who can make it work.
